Phrasing

In English class:

Isaac: "I think we should tie Beth to a tree and do stuff to her."

Us: o_O

Isaac: "No, I mean we can do bad things to her!"

Us: O_O

Isaac: "No, nothing sexual! We can just shove stuff down her throat."

Us: O_O

Later:

Me: "You know, Beth, you're trapped by three dudes."

Isaac: "Ya, if you try to escape I'm gonna spear you!"

~cue immature giggling~

Quote of the Day:

"IF YOU'RE NOT ****ING A BUS, YOU'RE NOT A METROSEXUAL!"

~Zangulus on idiotic made up words

Balloons

1 hour planning. 45 seconds blocking the stairs while covertly getting spare key from Becca. 1 day realizing that those plans won't work. 30 minutes planning a second idea. 2 hours shopping at Walmart. 4 hours going to an awesome concert. 25 minutes eating at Whataburger. 3 seconds for Dale deciding to help. 20 minutes scoping out the territory while driving to Julie's. 5 minutes standing outside and tapping on Julie's window like creepers. 1 hour blowing up 45 balloons. 10 minutes loading said balloons into cars. 5 seconds realizing we have no where near enough balloons. 20 minutes driving to Walmart. 5 minutes finding balloons. 3 minutes buying 60 of them. 20 minutes driving back to Julie's house while blowing up said balloons. 3 minutes gathering supplies at Julie's. 5 minutes driving to Beth's. 2 seconds opening car doors. 1 second watching in horror as several balloons escape. 2 minutes collecting loose balloons. 15 seconds walking to the gray Hyundai Sonata. 4 seconds getting out spare key. .5 seconds turning key left. 2 seconds failing to open door. .5 seconds turning key right. Same .5 seconds setting off car alarm. 2 seconds soiling our pants while making panicky eye contact. 7 seconds bolting to back to own cars. .1 seconds deciding not to jump in through open window. 5 seconds opening door and sitting. 4 seconds trying to start car with the spare key. 3 seconds panicking. 2 seconds looking out window and checking top of the car. 3 seconds almost knocking keys off of car. 2 seconds attempting to start car without brake down. 5 seconds revving engine while not realizing that the accelerator is down and not the brake pedal. 1 second putting car into gear. 20 seconds getting the **** out of there. 10 minutes driving back to my house. 5 minutes calming down and explaining the situation to my mom. .1 second realizing we'd left tissue paper on her car. 1 second of analyzing for Dale to drop the obligatory f-bomb. 10 minutes driving back to Julies to change cars. 5 minutes driving by Beth's testing the remote key. 1 second sigh of relief at it working. 1 minute finding an out of the way parking spot. 5 minutes sneaking through alleys and side yards up to the car. 10 seconds crawling up to tissue paper. 2 seconds sprinting back through said alleys and side yards to Julie's car. 5 minutes driving back to Julie's. 10 minutes driving back home to retire for the night.

Who knew asking someone to Prom could be so intense?

Lies

In my original post I claimed that in this blog I would cover some very important issues. That was not a lie; these are very important issues.

Studying

Disclaimer: The views and topicality of the following paragraphs are derived from real

conversations with my fellow classmates and are not the sole work of myself. They contain

distasteful jokes and quite possibly a tad bit too much information.

First, it has been unanimously decided that naming children after the books of the Bible, while hilarious, would ultimately not turn out too well. Naming your kid Yahweh could potentially be even worse. Oldies name, such as Ruth, Roger and Ethel, as well as just plain sucky ones, such as Belinda, can be thrown out, too. Pretty much every other name you can think of besides those of friends and relatives should be good to go. Heck, even random nouns should work if applied properly.

Next, me and That Guy have arrived at the conclusion that the two most recent earthquakes were merely the aftershocks of our earth-shattering socratic seminar about The Road Not Taken we had earlier this year. I would like to take this time to apologize for these tragic, unforeseen consequences of our literature-analyzing awesomeness.

Sex on the beach is a definite no go. Even a well placed towel probably isn't going to stop sand and salt water getting crammed up there. Though if you like genital infections, feel free to go right ahead and do it. There is also the very real possibility of getting actually crabs. Yes, I mean those giant king-size Alaskan ones. Though I guess you could be slightly more fortunate and merely have a small hermit crab make your privates its new home. Sex on a hammock is probably unwise, as well, for there is both the entrapping cross-stitched patterns to watch out for and also the disorienting rocking motion for which they are known. Me and my fellow crazy firmly believe that, given the proper training from some nekkid natives, we could sufficiently master the art of hammock love making. As of this time, however, skeptics still remain undecided on the matter.