**** Art...

Just Some Observations

Seek and Destroy by Metallica appearing on my shuffle before every exam must mean something

Earbuds and iPods make me feel like my life has a soundtrack

Disco music succeeds in making me dance

Death Proof was a better movie than Transformers 2

Roger Ebert is not a complete dick and is now a person to me on top of being a great writer

Movies are even more awesome than I previously thought

I can visualize every scene from The Matrix with just the audio

Classic movies are short, force romance, and expect you to bypass proper characterization

Characters, not the plot, make you cry

Apparently the telling me you haven’t seen Gladiator will make my eyes water

I like being in the presence of people, even if I’m sitting by myself

No one notices you near as much as you think (for better or for worse)

Being noticed is usually pretty nice, if rare

I notice most people, but rarely remember more than a few

Everyone wants to be noticed

Bad accents can crush attraction

A cute smile on a pretty face will never fail to win my attention

Musical capabilities are pretty darn sexy

Hot, cute, and just plain gorgeous are all very different

Joy is a mindset

I can finally catch myself falling into old habits (wc?) and get a good laugh out of it

I’m scared that I don’t have what it takes to make a relationship work

I have no idea what I want in a girl

There’s no reason to be afraid of words

Love is just another word

Motive, purpose, point, and reason mean everything

Trying to straddle the line between faith and reason is maddening

Oh the Hypocrisy

~This post has been removed because I don't like it yet~

Sorry for the inconvenience,
~OA

Fear of a Blank Page

Unfortunately, the desire to write is pretty much never in compliance with the capacity to write. Thoughts have never ceased flowing; words, on the other hand, have never started. Images, feelings, emotions, ideas all fill my mind, yet I’m severely lacking in the ability to make sense of them. Failing to sleep, I laid awake this morning for an hour, overwhelmed by an incredible urge to write; to comprehend what was going on in my mind. But I keep failing. I finally grasp something I’ve been struggling with for but a second, and then it’s gone. The big questions about who I am, what I want, what I need, what I believe must be answered – and they would be – but the answers are lost somewhere within myself, all too scared of being found. Alas, for the entirety of this thinking, all I’ve got to show for it is this fear of an eternally blank page.

Reminiscing

1. So this is what started it all. I honestly don't really remember specifically what I was thinking about. It probably had something to do with me just liking the idea of a stick figure with a brain representing me, because I could say that in some ways it's more me than just some horrible picture of me doing something stupid. I'm also smarter than you, hence the brain. Maybe this is also where I also started getting complaints from people about my profile picture, so obviously I had to keep doing it.


2. This one's pretty self explanatory, so I'm kinda sad that it's so tall. It's one panel from one of the saddest fake cartoons ever ever penned. I put it up in representation of pretty much all of our collective IB feelings at the start of our second year. We had quite a large chunk of work cut out for us and I doubt there was a single one of us that wasn't completely overwhelmed. So, to sum it up, this picture simply meant that school sucked and I hated it.



3.Again I chose to go with the obvious yet subtle method. Obviously you can see the there's a guy and girl, but notice they're facing away from each other? It's almost like they're completely refusing to acknowledge each others' existence. Oh wait, that's exactly what I was trying to get across. So this was the point in the middle of the beginning of last year when I remembered how frickin' badly I liked her, yet how far apart I felt we were. So imagine that the guy on the left is me instead of Lightle and that she's on the right and that we're sitting at desks instead of on a train and presto, you had a stick figure representation of my life at that particular point. As you can imagine, it was not the best. But then...



4. ...I received the only decent piece of advice regard such matters that I have ever received: just to talk to her. Sounds crazy, don't it? Well it appeared to have work, anyhow. We actually were starting to talk once again and, in a way, our friendship was being rekindled. Notice how it's almost the same pic, but the heads are turned towards each other. It's almost like the stick figures are talking, innit? However, as you can see, Mr. Baldy is leaning closer to the girl, seemingly a lot more eager to be talking to her than she is to be talking to him, as she's still partially involved with the laptop. Obviously this represents how I felt that our growing relationship still meant a lot more to mean than it did to her. Can't believe you couldn't understand this from the start...


5. Slightly less subtle than my other pics, this one merely represented the approaching prom. I asked her to it with a bunch of red balloons. See the red balloon over there to the left? Yeah, pretend that was one of them. I seriously hope you got at least this one at the time of its posting....



6. This one is essentially the same as that other one that looks remarkably similar yet not as good so I'm just going to pretend that they're one and the same. I actually don't know who, if anyone at all, would be able to understand this. I posted a short time after we returned from our trip to Costa Rica, which I guess really doesn't say much except that perhaps it has something to do with Costa Rica. Which it does. I probably could go on telling the entire story of the one particular night that it pertains to (which she, for some reason, never does and I actually started doing here before disliking its length), but that wouldn't really say as much as you'd think. To sum it all up, it was just her and me probably a tad bit farther from anyone or any light than probably would have been ideal had someone found us and all way the out there because I mistakenly thought you could still see the stars. Well, it was also her suggesting we move a little farther away than I had intended, but alas I digress. Those moments were pretty much it; the closest I ever had been or ever will be to her. Looking back now that I'm writing about it, I'm actually not totally sure why. I mean it was pretty frickin' cold, so maybe we were a little more cuddly than normal, but that can't be all of it... She said love. Not about me towards her, but about her towards some other guy a while ago. That was a little unexpected I must say. That probably scared me a little, certainly stung quite a bit, but I can't really be certain. She almost mentioned she was jealous about homecoming and all (but not in a bad sort of way, mind you). Maybe that one didn't really surprise me. I don't remember what else was said. Undoubtedly some reassurance from her about how much I mean/meant to her, etc.

So maybe nothing really became of this secluded rendez-vous. She made sure to pay more attention to me for the rest of the trip, of course, but that's to be expected. She always does that when she thinks something's wrong with me. Everything more I could write right now would just be stalling because I don't know how to transition this, so I'll just cut to the chase. After all this writing I still don't know why that night was so important to me. I was going to say something along the lines of me not falling in love with her but the idea of love itself, but while that's actually partially true, I can't imagine anyone else I would rather have shared these memories with...

Here, now go away...

I saw her then,
But she were not there...

Receiving the last
Of her first impressions...

For she had not changed,
But I...

****, I hate writing poetry!!!

Xander's Gold

For some strange reason Xander seems to be the wisest character on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Seriously, how awesome is this stuff:

Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open

Cordelia: So, does looking at guns really make girls wanna have sex? That's scary.
Xander: Yeah, I guess.
Cordelia: Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.